my writings....

OK the idea for my book, ive got it. its about a man trapped in hell….think the Christian hell…..devil, circles of hell, demons, forever torture blah blah blah…the thing Christians live in fear of. Ok, its about the man trapped in hell, and he is tortured and looks for an escape, once he learns of no escape…or maybe I can make a way to escape be judgement by god….and he didn’t believe in jesus, and he was already sent to hell prior…..but has conflicts with god about how he didn’t accept jesus because of the multiple choice thing I brought up….but god will be my viosion, and only be askable before the next big bang…ok..back to basics, man awakes in hell, and is tortured, 1st thoughts are “why am I here….i don’t belong here…..” then I desbribe the scene of hell I see in my head…and he eventually tries to find a way out….then either the jesus thing…or another route is to make him always being a bad guy in life….and since he is in hell part of his torture is not remembering he was a torturer….or god made a mistake by sending him there and id it leaked god made a mistake the thing from dogma could happen where if god is wrong universe would blow up….like god is erasing everything of knowledge of his fuck up…….another theory im going with is the main charictar could be satan after being thrown out of heaven, and wandering why god did it…..the main charictar could think he was a human…then find a way to seek god’s judgement…then learn who he was…..the devil……and drama over why the devil doesn’t belong in hell….and how the bad guy is god….the eternal bad guy is god in my comic….god is the villain of like in my opinion…

Literary Thread Go!
Let The Flames Begin My Friends!

You Know, Im Interested So Far. Ill Read It. Post More :O

TL DR version plz

JK Man you have some talent in writing it seems

oh and yes dont worry i did read it

I sit here and bed, I cant sleep, all I can think about is that for 18 years old im immature, I don’t know what I want to be, I never grew up…I always felt like everyone else was having a social life when I was never living a life, all I ever did throughout school was go to a friends house to play video games, or sit at home and play video games. Im not surprised Kevin rupe tried to sell all of his video games because he thought they were in control of him. The only thing was he was too late. Im too late, im only 18 years old and im too late, im not gonna live a normal life like Trevor, or troy, or Richard….instead im gonna live out my days playing video games till I get a heart attack…fuck I dunno maybe ill get shot or something lame…..the worst thing is all I can keep thinking about is that damn book, its been more then a year and I cant get a catcher in the rye out of my head, it still haunts me. my life is just like that deuche bags….i have an easy life, my parents have money, and I bitch and moan about shit, I know I have friends, but not the kind of friend I want…but then I don’t know the kind of friends I want…..life is confusing and none of this matters in the long run…..but in the short run, the road to happiness, I think It matters…its weird I have this argument in my head a lot, about “oh its ok that you’re a loser and your friends a popular party boy jock, cause we will both be dead in 100 years and nothing will matter” but then I say what is my life….my life is what I make of it….im fucking confused. Ugh, I cant stop being depressed when I try to go to bed…I need TV back in my room….but then again I did a lot of writing with my TV on…however it was never depressed writing…..shit. I don’t get physically exhausted anymore, shit I never did….i think I need to sleep less….that could be an issue….its not that im up too long, its that I sleep too much…..i keep thinking back on what ive done so far in my life, and its sad, every day was the same, I never got out of the house or tried…I never knew there was other shit to do than play video games….i mean….i don’t wanna do a lot of drugs but…..fucking a life is confusing, theres no point…no one is happy anyways……which brings me back to my previous entry…god is the villain of the universe…..he is in my opinion, god created everything, knowing full well, that if we are born…we will suffer, we will go crazy, we will die….and we will know that one day we will die….hmm…….oh, if you still don’t know how to read my writing its because I type whatever I think and im very scatterbrained and never stay on one topic….i think I want a girlfriend…but at the same time ill never find a girl who is exactly like me….so if I get a girlfriend she will be outgoing, and that means lots of friends, and that means drama, and I haven’t dealt with drama first hand, I don’t know what to do…fuck me lol……also I hate how women have this view of a “real man” ive heard it a lot lately and its kind of annoying, I mean, I think women judge men on how much of a “man” he is…and its horrible, because men aren’t that way lol….i don’t know why im not happy….well, I guess part of it is never getting laid……fuck I don’t know…..i don’t know what I want to do with my life, its looming on me now….i keep thinking im pathetic, I have to make up a shitton of grades at CC, and even after that I need to raise my GPA so a real college will accept me, and even if I do that I don’t know what I want to major in or become, nothing interests me to the point of “FUCK YES I WANT THAT FOR LIFE” at most I like things a little or a moderate amount, but I cant fucking get off my ass to do it….for a while I wanted to be a photographer, than I realized ill never leave home to take pictures of crap…and even then plenty of people try and not many succeed….breathe zac, breathe….its strange…not knowing what you want to do with your life…..i mean, Trevor wants to be a firefighter, colin wants to be in a band, Kevin palmer wants to be a mechanic, but then its zac turn to pick a job….and he doesn’t, instead he plays video games all day…he wakes up at 4pm, makes some phone calls, then leaves the house to go to BR and spends 5 hours of time then I drop Andrew off at home, and go home, and browse 4chan, take a shower, play psp, look random shit up, read anime, until sunrise….then I try to sleep, and cant, come back to my computer….i think im still a child, I never grew up, I don’t know when people started to grow up, I never had teenage issues cause I never considered myself a teenager, I mean, its not hitting me until now that im 18….18…an adult….i didn’t think about till recently….im an adult, no one is gonna think im ignorant, im an adult, and I need to take charge of my own life….i don’t know…life confuses me a lot…..personally I think we are all just animals, and we have brains, and animals are greedy, and we want easier lives, so instead of cavemen lives we lead to tribal life, and that leads to evolution of man and that turns into this common day and age where the only alternatives to job are hobo and suicide….the worst thing is war…no one wants to go to war except the people who never hold a gun….and then the draft happens….when people like me…have to go fight, for nothing….if I go to Iraq, I don’t know what I’m fighting for, who I’m fighting for, what profit I’m gaining…..fucking a, I don’t know anymore…..

I need to find a way to unleash my rage, a way to stop holding back…there are so many times when I’m at a party, and I want to talk to people, or I think of shit to say, but I don’t do it…. I know if I could tap into my insanity I could fit better socially…. its weird, I cant hit someone without pulling the punch a little, even when I was drunk and fighting Kevin, I had enough consciousness to not choke him out…. I think I’m too nice of a guy, I cant stand to hurt anybody, I know if I got in a fight with some random person fear of hurting someone would make me pull the punch…. good thing I don’t start shit or get in fights…but it would be nice to know how to not pull punches…. I mean, it doesn’t sound bad…but it feels strange…. I know I’m weak, and even when I train with Derek; I pull my punches a little bit…I just need to find a way to tap into my aggression.

I hate when people say “get a life” it doesn’t sound bad from their perspective, because they have always had one, they always were outgoing….when people tell me to get a life, I don’t know how I should react, at 1st I’m like….dude, I try to get out as much as possible, and I make excuses for why im like the way I am, I fucking hate it when people say shit like that.

This book/journal must be interesting for those who know me, but unless they know me reading this does others no good…I don’t know I kind of think I point of this book is so you can see what other people are like when they are alone, themselves….what you think one person is like may be completely different from when they are alone….i know I am, when im out with friends and what not im always smiling, I seem happy, and I am, for the time that im out of my house….its not that I have a hard house life, or that there is drama, but I just don’t like being along at home…..fuck I don’t like being alone period….i cant keep myself entertained at home….writing for 10min in this journal is fun, but I cant draw, I have no instrumental talent, I get bored here……I think it would be fun to be homeless, get a feel for it….it doesn’t sound all that bad, you get plenty of time to think to yourself….which could lead to going insane and all…….but I mean, when your homeless, you have no one to rely on, no plans, nothing, you just try to find money to eat, or find food, and live out your days…..i think I wanna experience a lot more in life than what I am now.

What is a loser? Is it one who has no friends? Is it one who has no skill to contribute to society? Is it one who does not have a girlfriend, yet wants one? I don’t know, I have this feeling I’m a loser, but at the same time, I don’t think I am. I mean I know I bitch and whine a lot about my life and shit, but I try to keep it limited to this journal thing, but really? Am I a loser? I’m 18 almost 19, I keep getting failing grades at school, I don’t have a job because I quit, I am still a virgin, I know nothing about cars, I cant play an instrument, I stay up all night all the time, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, the girl I like plays mind games with me, and I just don’t think I know myself. I don’t think I am a loser though, I have so many friends, I don’t get to see them all the time, but I see a few everyday and talk to more every night…I think my friends are what keep me happy….but I don’t stay happy I don’t know, I think people are always depressed about one thing or another. Take for example me, I’m always depressed about being bored, or being a virgin, or something else. Then take someone like john doe, he has a great job, and family, but likes a new girl hired at work, he cheats on wife with girl, then lives with guilt and isn’t happy about that. Or maybe Jane doe, she doesn’t have the job she likes, but has a great family life, or something…the point is everyone is depressed about something….i don’t see the point in living really, we never really accomplish anything in our lives….i think when you break down every religion and different set of beliefs, the only one that realistically makes since is nihilism…I think I spelled it right…because in 100 years everyone I know will be dead, and then all the time I wasted means nothing…however, I am here now, so I should try now….who cares if im never happy, at least im not sitting around all day, I don’t know, colin said something in a myspace bulletin that sounded realistic and smart, I’m gonna copy paste it so it can be saved on my computer…

Nihilism is the philosophy that believes that there is no purpose in the universe, and that every choice is arbitrary. According to nihilism, the universe contains no value and is essentially meaningless. Because the universe and all of its constituents contain no higher goal for us to make subgoals from, all aspects of human life and experiences are completely arbitrary. There is no right or wrong decision, thought or practice, and whatever choice a human being makes is just as meaningless and empty as any other choice he or she could've made.

…that thing about sub goals, its what I see everyone doing…..i guess all there is to life is sub goals…getting a job, having kids, finishing school, doing some sort of side project….a side job….I don’t know, I don’t see the point really…..then again, I’m alive, I may as well enjoy the ride while it lasts right?

Back to another topic, friends, I never knew how many I had till I graduated high school…. when I walked and got my diploma I had a roar of friends….it was huge, and then one of my friends walked and it was dead quiet….he wasn’t really a friend, just some guy who was an asshole to me for 2 years that I knew him….but I was surprised at my roar of friends. The only person louder than mine was like the high-school-super-jock, and that don’t really count now do they? Well, I suppose they do, I mean, they are people too.

Hmm…this girl ive liked for 2 years or so just started to go out with a guy I just became friends with….it bothers me and at the same time im fine with it….i don’t know how I should feel because I don’t feel feelings normally….like I don’t get annoyed or angry as so much think things are funny, but that’s because I have a strange look at everything….back to topic, I know he will only go out with her for like 2-4 months tops, then ditch her for the single life or some other girl….or she will break up with him cause of life drama or some shit….i don’t know, my prediction with my other friends relationship hasn’t worked out like I thought, but then again I didn’t know the extent of their thoughts of one another….relationships make no sense to me……they sure are nice though, and I am happy when im in one lol.

Back to why I think I have no meaning to society…I consider myself a nerd, a gamer, a geek, all that shit, however, I haven’t played a new game in forever, or beaten a game within the last year, my PC barely runs world of warcraft, and I don’t play it anymore…. the only game I play is like 4 years old, and even when I play it, its never at home, I hate playing games alone by myself…something about it, I get distracted too easily…. also, I don’t watch any new anime other than Naruto/bleach, and I read the manga….yet somehow I’m a nerd more than most people….the only person I know who really out nerds me is Andrew, and he hasn’t bought a 360 or ps3, probably never will….but at the same he is a bigger nerd than me, his social life is less than me…it seems like an odd trade off….nerd skills for social life……honestly I don’t know which one I would rather have…I’ve got my nerd skills, and when you’re a nerd your in the zone, and all that jazz, when I’m talking in nerd speak I want to be always right, I always want to be the guy who finds errors in the other guys nerd speak….but there is nothing positive in it….as for social skills, I don’t think I like most of society, those big drunk pissed off people don’t look like fun, and I’m not a fan of women who are idiots that live every day to get fucked up….nothing really matters anyways, I’m mostly curious on how those people ended up being like how they are…what paths made big fat drunk dude the guy he is…..I mean, he was a kid at one point, he was a baby at another, when did he become that thing he is…..that’s why I think I didn’t mature, I don’t think I’m any of those things…..I’m a stereotype, but I don’t think I look like how I feel….I don’t know

Well, I promised everyone on myspace I would post this…. on myspace lol….well here they go, this is still a work in progress…..but fuck it, let them read, let them see who I am, or at least what I think about, maybe it will open up someone’s eyes to the world, maybe people will think I’m an idiot….who knows.

Am I The Only One Reading This? Lol

Good Read As Always.
Lots Of Things That We Can All Relate To.

Pretty Enjoyable So Far, Though Scattered -- But That's Just Your Writing Style So It's Cool. Good Job Again And Post More As Always Whenever You Can ^^b

Its weird for me to find out what I want to do with my life. People say “just do what u have fun doing.” But my problem lately is I don’t have fun with anything at all…I cant get into any new video games, I don’t like parties because I have too much self control, I wouldn’t say im afraid to do shit, I just don’t want to, but the thought might cross my mind….its hard to describe, anyways…..my friend colin enjoys playing music, so he plays music, my stepdad likes cars, so he works on cars, I don’t like to do much of anything these days, all I do is hang out with friends, and play video games with friends, if only there were some way to make that a job. Haha.

I kind of want to write a small collection of stories about some of my more interesting friends…. Kevin Rupe, Andrew L, josh Shepard, Kevin palmer, Trevor Naetzel, Colin Jones, maybe see if I can squeeze torrey in there…I don’t know, just my interesting friends, others don’t deserve a story I think, they are boring like everyone else. I would have to write about how Kevin is so strange, I mean, he cant focus, he thinks he is someone else I think……like he doesn’t realize the shit he says either makes no sense, or doesn’t fit……Andrew and josh I could do some good drama shit with, well not drama, just more of a depressing thing…..mom and dad issues and whatnot…..Kevin palmer….how would I do a story for the man who is like a brother to me? not sure on his yet. Trevor I could do some sort of work where its like a movie following a party guy, and deep down he doesn’t want to party…..i don’t know, I would need to sit down and brainstorm ideas for some people…but I think it would be fun

What is my writing like….seeing as how I wrote it I cannot judge it, but I feel like im trying to sound smart, and when I realize that and the thoughts im writing are fake like that I delete them….this is weird, I want to write about my thoughts on a relationship, but I cant think of a way to do so without sounding like some pathetic loser, or a stereotype….maybe everyone is a stereotype……fuck my life…..

I guess ill talk about what happened the other night, some girl ive only met once in my life before calls me up and asked me if I still had a pool table, and I talk back a bit, next thing you know she wants to hang out, so I ended up picking her up the next day to hang out with my friend Torey and I. Before I know it me and her are making out on his couch, and I don’t know where this is leading too, I never make the 1st move further, like if im making out with some chick I don’t randomly start to squeeze her tits. I don’t know why I don’t, I just think about it too much and I don’t do it at all, all I can think about is all the negative things that can come from it, like say she doest want me to, will she stop making out with me? I don’t know, I don’t think so anyways, I mean, Im already making out with her, I don’t think she would just stop….but that did happen to me once, but then again, I was like 15 and she “thought we were going too fast” haha. Back to the main topic, I just don’t get grabby or anything, and she doesn’t either, and I know she just called me because she wanted to have sex. But since I’ve never had sex, I don’t make the first move. So all we did was make out on my friends couch until she went to sleep, and it kept me awake thinking….what’s wrong with me, what should I have done, did I want to go further? All of these thoughts rush my head so I do the only thing I know how to do….i pick up my psp and start to play some video games.
But the interesting thing…the thing that gets me is right after I kissed her a little bit, she asked me “do you get attached easily?” and I replied with “no” which at the time I kind of thought was a lie, but fuck it, I knew it was the answer she wanted. After the first night, I took her to school and went home and slept….the next day she calls for a ride back over to toreys, so I figure she wants to see me again….we start hanging out there, and I think I flirt a little bit more with her, and the next thing you know, I have her in my arm on the couch, and she says “no, I thought u don’t get attached” and for a little bit I was sad on the inside but tried to play it off….but im not good at shakeing my feelings from one to another….i think she knew, she wasn’t stupid….but its been bugging me a lot lately, because I cant help but think that I do get attached easily, and if I do get attached, then a girlfriend is what I need, but im not good with a girlfriend, so I don’t know what to do. Shit women confuse the hell out of me. If I choose the single life with one night stands and shit like that I wont be happy because I wont have someone to love or whatever, shit I don’t even know if ive ever been in love…..im so emotionally numb to the good feelings I wouldn’t know what it feels like….maybe I was in love…..its hard to tell.

Back to another topic, those small stories of my friends, I think it would be easier to do them as movies than stories, I can type out how I talk just fine, but for certain friends and others its hard, I don’t think I can type out a setting and have it mix with the story well enough…easier to make a movie, only the problem is im bad at making movies, and there is way too much work going into that….well, I choose the easier path…neither….maybe one day ill get to it, then again who knows.

Am I an American? Or am I just a guy who happens to live here?

Back to my relious beliefs and whatnot…. for a while I was kind of scarred of heaven and hell and whatnot, I had this theory, that everything was a test from god/the devil. And one was…when you die and see a light, if you walk into the light how do you know you aren’t going to hell…. how does one not know that the light is hell, it could be a trick from the devil…but the alternative is to walk away from the light, but what if the light was actually your only chance into heaven, so for being cautious you go to hell, its really scary in my opinion, I mean I don’t believe in Christianity or anything, but since this nation is basicly Christian, the god and devil bullshit gets drilled into your head if you watch enough TV (and I do) you start to think about it….so once I thought it was real, I thought of how my soul would be in the outcome, I kind of think that maybe I would go to hell for being a cautious person, but I mean good so I would go to heaven…I hate how Christianity makes it so that if you deny jesus u don’t get to go into heaven….or at least that say that hahaha.
Religion makes me laugh because it is usually stupid Americans who are too lazy to think about the afterlife and shit for themselves, so instead of think about it and be awake and pay attention for yourself, they have some preacher guy talk to them about it…shit im sure most people who go to church have never read the bible.

This world is full of idiots, I mean most people have enough basic intelligence to make it day to day, it is hard to fuck day to day things up, but I mean, in general, like at all times, people don’t pay attention….some people have a one track mind and can only manage to do one thing at a time….others cant fucking watch a red light turn green unless other people start to go first. I don’t think there is a complete idiot out there, I mean, I don’t pay attention myself, but if I fuck up I laugh it off, other people are too lazy to realize they fucked up in the first place…those are the people I don’t like…. they are just as lazy as me, but not smart…the kind of people who just want to do drugs or sit around at the beach all day. I think I envy those people, I wish I could not have my mind thinking all the damn time…. I often wonder what stupid people think about all day? I love the phrase ignorance is bliss…. because its so true. I wish I could be an ignorant American who goes out and parties every weekend, one of those people with a blue color Monday through Friday job, weekends off to party and shit. That’s probly why people hate Monday so god damn much is that they are retarded enough to party on Sunday, and are hung over on Monday.

I wish people would criticize my writing more, all I have gotten yet from people is “don’t worry dude, you will find your place in society” and “its good” shit like that…the only negative thing ive gotten was “it’s a bit depressing” but that’s it, I need someone who will tell me all the negative shit about it, like Andrew, but he wont fucking read it, I know that mother fucker wouldn’t have a problem saying something like “wow, talk about yourself much?” or “all you do is whine about your life” its not that I want someone to say shit like that….I don’t know….I kind of do.

alright zak u want some critisism(i cant spell for shit now i guess) ill give u some.....but before that when u talked about the girl that u made out with and didnt do anything else and she fell asleep...that reminded me of the one episode in trigun where vash basically does the exact same thing to a girl...well anyway time for some critisism.....if u hav the attitude u express in ur writing all the time then ur attitude sux ass dude...change ur view on shit.....the old cliche...."look at the glass half full"...u need that kind of mentality...just change it a little.....u make everything sound so depressing...when ur laffing at something are u still sad? of course not! its all about attitude....change it!! not that hard!! just do it....just try it for one day...just one...see the results, also try writing one night all about the shit ur happy that happened throughout ur life....even if u think thers nothing there always is....so basically in one sentence: change the attitude dude.
that goes for both writing and ur everyday life...u dont have to be freaky happy creepy shit just once in a while look at things differently..look at it from a different point of view...but all in all ur writing does make people think deep thats for sure....

jet wrote:

So all we did was make out on my friends couch until she went to sleep, and it kept me awake thinking….All of these thoughts rush my head so I do the only thing I know how to do….i pick up my psp and start to play some video games.

It May Be Wrong For Me To Laugh, But I Lol'd
Not Gonna Give Criticism Like You Want. I'll Just Wait For Another Installment If Your Up For It.

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." Franklin P. Jones
"People ask for criticism, but they only want praise." W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

My friend Daniel tells me I think everything is depressing, he wants me to write about all the good times instead of the bad. But the thing about that is, what times do people truly remember, what times stick with you to your grave. The good ones or the bad ones? I think both…but maybe more towards the bad side…back to my theory of balance I never quite explained, it doesn’t look good on paper, but ill give it a shot. Say you have a friend that dies, you knew him for 20 years, you had nothing but good times with him, for every good moment you had with that friend carries over to his death, and the more good than came from those good memories, the more depressed you are when he dies…its like in an anime called full metal alchemist, excuse me, this is a nerd moment…they constantly bring up this thing called equivalent exchange, perfect balance, what you give is what you get, what you take is taken….you kill a man, you feel guilt for ending someone’s life, for bringing a child into this world you feel good, the best feeling is to create life and one of the worst is to end it. I don’t know, its hard to put into words, let alone on paper, I will try one day and write a page or so on my thoughts on it…back to what Dan told me. He wants me to just change my style, I would like to, I would like to be a positive person, I would love to not have a fear of being noticed in society, I would love to be the loud guy in public having fun. But I can’t change. Change is hard, its not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight very often…. what I have found about personality, is that it builds through all of your life experiences…everything you go through effects you somehow. I mean, personality doesn’t just come from out of nowhere, and if someone is to ask, what if you go all the way back to when the kid was born, he hasn’t experienced anything yet, and babies still have personality. the only response in genetic code….and maybe chemicals from food….and yes, chemicals count in my opinion, you get a sugar rush then you act hyper.

I hate my fear of being noticed in society. I have this weird fear, I’m not really afraid of anything, I just don’t want to be noticed in society…I guess I’m socially awkward in situations where people I don’t know are looking at me. and to hide myself from public, I tend to try and shell up, put on some headphones, put my hands in my pockets, be quiet, and walk, don’t run….but it goes beyond just not wanting people to talk to me, I don’t even want people to notice a flaw in me, I get paranoid. Say my shoelace is untied, I think people might see it, but I don’t want to stop walking to fix it because that would make me stand out, but if I continue to walk with it dangling people with think I’m stupid, either way I don’t like the outcome. Then again, I only feel like that when I have no one to talk to, if I’m involved in a conversation with someone I don’t notice the people around me staring or anything, because I’m too involved in the talking…or I’m comfortable…I don’t know, being socially awkward is strange.

Why am I afraid of death, I thought I death with my issues about it…I woke up the other day crying because I knew I was going to die one day, and I couldn’t stop it…. I thought I was ok with that, but for some reason I cant shake that feeling…I talked to Colin about it and he says why be afraid of the inevitable…and my response was because it is inevitable…I don’t know what it is about death that scares me…. I know it’s going to be painful just about anyway you die…but I don’t think it’s that…. I think I’m afraid of the afterlife, like I’m afraid of both heaven and hell…. I’m also afraid of nothingness…but of all the outcomes I’ve thought of about death the one that scares me the most…. is a eternal nothingness where your conscience still exists…. that would be beyond hell….try to imagine it for yourself…..just try and sit around for one day, not moving, do nothing but lay in bed for 24 hours strait (go to the bathroom and eat of course, but only when needed) and sit there….turn your life off (cell phone, TV, computer, radio whatever) and just lay there….no sleeping…and think about how its going to go on forever, one hour may seem like 2, 3 hours like 6, 10 hours like 40, and then think about doing that forever, never ending…its kind of like Johnny got his gun. Some sort of hell…. but even Johnny will die one day….i think that’s what scares me…the song one by Metallica….it seems like a likely hell….your conscience being kept there, but not being able to move, see, eat, hear, or anything…just thinking is all you can do all day….see if you can entertain your self with nothing but thoughts….i don’t know…the afterlife scares me, even though there is nothing I can do about it…it still scares me….

I like to smoke weed. Its fun, I laugh more, I think deeper, I think faster, ive had time slow down on me at one point while high…the only thing I really want to do while high is write…I wonder how it would turn out….so far this entire book is my thoughts sober, before I go to sleep…
I don’t know why my mom doesn’t want me to not smoke weed…I see no issue with it, I handle myself well, I don’t have a job at the moment, but I can stop smoking long enough to pass a drug test if needed. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see me go down the same road she went down…she eventually ended up being addicted to crystal or some shit…and I think she started on what I’m on now…weed and booze…but I’ve had other drugs within inches of me and I didn’t try them….for a little bit I wanted to dabble in hallucinogenics, but I decided against it after watching my friend on mushrooms. Other drugs scare the shit out of me, for a few weeks in my life I wanted to try a lot, then I realized the fool I was…the gateway drug had become what it promised to be, a gateway to other drugs, once I realized that I figured it out, just because one drug isn’t bad for you doesn’t mean the others wont be…I’ve seen people on coke, X, and mushrooms, weed, and booze. All people do on X is touch a lot of shit….it seems like a self induced fever to me. Seeing people on mushrooms scared the shit out of me…watching my friend spin in a circle in his swivel chair then laugh was scary, it doesn’t sound bad at all…but then I thought, what is going through this mans head, what does he see right now? It must be scary if you get a “bad trip”. People on coke aren’t that bad actually, very friendly, kind of talkative, but that shit is addictive is fuck and expensive, so fuck that. I don’t like drunk people, something about them, they don’t know when to shut up, and some are complete retards…I don’t think I like drinking anymore, but I will end up doing it again…cause I’m an idiot. Weed though….its different, they laugh, play video games, and eat food. Its not addictive, cheap as dirt, people are friendly on that stuff. I don’t know, this is the first drug rant I have had so far in this thing…drugs kind of scare me.

long book is long @_@

ZAKUM, i ctrl+f'd "friend" and u have that shit like 100+ times i swear. i was seeing if u were gonna talk shit on me. anyways. i think we need to talk some time about all of this. lets go to dennys one night and talk it over. about life and shit. how about tonight. fuck im calling u tonight u better pick up nig.

Hmm... Brandon's Right...
Almost The Damn Whole Thing Lit Up When I Highlighted "friend"...

:3
Dennys?

always dennys

you are dirty liars, i tryed to go to dennys with u but u shot me down :[

agreed liars! i have been to dennys about 3 times in the past week or so with torry and cody. We need to make a date where no one is busy cuase everyone is busy it seems when we try to go.

agreed